A short list of demands for checking out of our AirBNB

If you write something nice in our guestbook we won't tear it out!

Photo by Pierre Jarry on Unsplash

Thank you so much for spending time with us in Happy Cabin. We hope your time here was relaxing and fulfilling. Just a reminder that checkout is at 11:00 AM.

We have a great list of recommendations where where you can eat that is also just a list of every restaurant near here that we got off Google. That’s how recommendations work, right? LOL

We are sorry to see you go! There are a few quick things that need to be done:

1. Strip the beds, pull down all the shower curtains, and remove the couch covers. Make sure to cut the seams on the couch covers evenly so they can be re-sewn by the next guest.

2. Provide free content for our social media. Hopefully there’s someone in your party who looks either sexy or cute and someone else who understands taking compelling photos. Tag us!

3. Remove the toilet lids using the screwdriver in the junk drawer and lay them out for cleaning. Put the screws back in the screw holes. Not too tight. Clean the screws with Windex.

4. Separate all trash into its various bins.

   1. Orange for plastic bags (No foil!!!!)

   2. Plastics 1-5 in the blue bag. Plastics above 5 in the black bag

   3. Compost to the compost bin

   4. The rest of the trash is a physical manifestation of your failure as a human being and may God have mercy on your soul.

      1. Whatever you do with it will be wrong. (Fuck you.)

5. Remember that we have lots of curious wildlife in the area so each trash can has an escape-room style combination in order to open it. You must complete each of these while holding the trash bags without getting snippy with any of your traveling companions.

6. Remove all caulking in the bathroom using a plastic palette knife and hire a contractor to re-seal it. Just a note that they are all closed on the weekend so I hope you read this when you got here!

7. Repair relations with the locals. They are annoyed with us, the homeowners, for jacking up their property tax without even living in the area. Sort that out with them somehow.

8. Wait for Jerry the Trash Guy and watch him, eagle-eyed, to make sure he respects the trash bag colors. You might have to go toe-to-toe with Jerry. Be careful. He doesn’t hit too hard but he’s got range.

9. Hold up your photo ID so that the fish mounted over the mantle can see your full name and birthdate. No reason. Just do it.

10. Make sure to leave us a great review!!!!!!