Astronomers on Hubble Team Gaze Wistfully at Young Punks on James Webb Team
These kids today...
“We can all agree that scientific discovery is a greater good,” said Tick O’Brahee, Hubble Telescope team technical manager. “But these James Webb kids, swaggering around… I remember when we were that young.”
Hennie Swan, Hubble astronomer nodded in agreement. “Young punks! They’ll learn. One way or another,” she said. She smacked a balled left fist into her right palm and then twisted it in a grinding motion.
The Hubble team has come under pressure recently for ill treatment of the upstart James Webb telescope team, including challenging the younger team to cook-offs, dance-offs, and, in some cases, all-out brawls.
But Cole Pernikus, James Webb team lead, says his team just wants to get along.
“We just want to like, do our science, you know?” said Pernikus, blowing a giant fruity vape cloud and reclining on the seat of a badass electric motorcycle. “We can’t help it that our team has better optical resolution both in the cosmos and out in these astronomy streets.”
Pernikus pointed out that the Hubble team were no different when their big breakthroughs were revealed, referencing a photo of Hennie Swan at the Deep Field press conference in a tee shirt that read, “The VLA Can Eat Shit.”
“Psh, that was a joke,” said Swan. “My VLA peeps know that.”
“You know what these James Webb kids really need?” asked O’Brahee, “They need a good optical aberration, that’s what. Takes you down a peg. Teaches humility.” He nodded. “Builds character.”