Bank Collapse Forces Financial Sector into Near-Constant Impressions of Keanu Reeves's "Whoa"
Some are also doing Owen Wilson's "Wow."
Financial sector notables found themselves shocked thoroughly to their cores this week as a bank has run aground, leaving them without an answer for questions like, “Where’s my money,” and “What? Again?”
In response to these unanswerable queries, many involved have turned, as one, to a near-constant impression of Keanu Reeve’s iconic, “Whoa.”
While not a banker himself, Reeves is known — and beloved — for expressing childlike wonder on screen.
“There’s just no answer for some of life’s questions,” said Barksdale Lordingworth, financial analyst. “People ask crazy stuff. Bonkers ideas. Like, ‘Why did you pull your money out but not mine, isn’t that your job?’ All you can do is just go into a Keanu.”
But critics say there is another way to respond when institutions go belly up: an Owen Wilson “Wow.”
Wilson’s trademark “Wow,” epitomizes some of the same sentiment of the Reeves “Whoa,” but with a slightly different flavor preferred by some performatively-shocked financial professionals.
“For me, it’s all about the Wilson Wow,” said Earningson Lucregoof IV, money golf aficionado. “It’s rare. You don’t see it as often as the Reeves Whoa. I think my customers appreciate my attention to detail.”
Whether in the Whoa or Wow camps, finance industry sources say the outlook is bleak thanks to the downturn in the crypto markets, which was the fertile ground where many of these shocked responses originate.
“They were sort of like our farm team,” said Gordon “Sneery” Pouponchauffer, bullion insemination consultant, wiping a tear. “We’re never gonna be able to come up with new performatively-shocked impressions without the crypto guys.”
“Whoa,” he added. “Wow.”
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