City Installs Bike Repair Kiosk to Promote Alternate Forms of Tool Theft
What's mine is mine. And this is now mine.
POSSUM TAIL, GA—City leaders in Possum Tail, GA announced a new bike repair kiosk at the intersection of Main St. and Bart Futz Avenue which will give residents new and invogorating options for stealing hand tools.
The metal repair stand includes arms to elevate the bike, a pump for the tires, and an array of tools attached to the kiosk by steel cables that could be defeated by a toddler.
“Aw yeah that 5mm hex will be gone by lunch,” said Dermot Glub, parks and recreation department head. Glub oversaw the kiosk’s installation.
“Normally someone would have to shoplift that tool out of an REI or borrow it from an acquaintance with no intention of returning it,” said Glub, speaking to reporters as his team completed work. “Now they can just rock up to this thing and rip it right off the stand.”
Reporters noted that while Glub was speaking the adjustable wrench attached to the stand had already gone missing. When asked if he intended to replace the wrench on a new cable before leaving, Glub said no. “Someone’ll punt the whole thing with their truck in a few days anyway.”