Community Hails Local Teen for Achieving Worlds Fartiest Exhaust

That kid's got a real knack for these things.

Photo by Willian Cittadin on Unsplash

SPRAYBEANS, GA—Duncan Flautas, 17, is being congratulated all over Spraybeans for achieving something nobody ever thought possible: converting his family’s old car into an overwhelming fart machine that rattles windows for miles.

“I honestly don’t know where he learned it all,” said proud dad Buddy Flautas, 52, wiping at one eye with the back of his hand. “He started tinkering on that old thing a few years ago, making it fartier and fartier. Little by little he just dang old went and achieved the impossible.”

Neighbors say the car used to sound a bit like a giant bumblebee, but made the pivot to an unmistakable ear-shattering fart noise some time last year.

Manufacturers have taken note as well, offering Duncan the chance to test out their newest farty mufflers, welding machines, and other equipment in return for a few seconds endorsement on his social media.

“I think he’s definitely got a bright future in the farty exhaust industry,” said Curt Dacheez, territory sales manager for Magnasquat exhausts. “It’s all about style. Taking an older car and just adding parts here and there until it sounds as farty as possible. No thought about performance or emissions or any of that. Just loud, trunk-rattling, fart noises all day.”

For his part, Duncan says he thinks there still room to grow. He gave a few short remarks after being awarded the keys to the city and a scholarship previously reserved for the public high school valedictorian.

“I mean, it’s farty but I think I can make it even fartier,” said Duncan to wild applause. “As soon as someone is born who can challenge me!” Further remarks were rendered impossible as the crowd surged forward to hoist Duncan aloft, shaking his hand and chanting his name.

“It ain’t every day you see something special like that,” said Sam Glomper, 64, local grocer, looking on. “We’re just real proud of that boy and his world-class fart car.”