Gaming Industry Reviewer Being Gnawed to Death by Raccoons Rates Experience 8.5/10
Absolutely horrible. The worst in every way. Eight point five out of ten.
I admit when I was invited to review being gnawed to death by raccoons, I thought it was going to be just another in a long line of ho-hum experiences. But now that the gnawing is well and truly in progress I find my interest peaked.
True, a lot of reviewers would have used the more phrase-accurate “piqued” above, but in this case “peaked” is a better choice because I am nearing my demise. My interest will necessarily wane from this point along with my grip on consciousness.
As a long-time fan of nature in general and raccoons in specific, I find this gnawing to be just the right level of voracious. My flesh is disappearing and I am, of course, being jostled a bit, but nothing like the bodily dragging you’d get with a pack of wolves or lions. The raccoons do not squabble amongst themselves which I find to be a very polished choice.
If I have a nitpick in the story of my ongoing lethal gnawing, it would be the lack of romance options. None of the raccoons appear to be interested in me in any way except as a buffet. Some people might appreciate that no-nonsense approach but I think a deeper story might have been had with some emotional intimacy.
I do think the finality of the ending will present hurdles to replayability but then again, if you can deliver a singular experience maybe that’s enough.
All told, I rate being gnawed to death by these raccoons eight point five out of ten.
Hey gang, thanks for reading. If you’re in the Atlanta area be sure to join me for a screening of my film The Mostly Serious History of Wine at City Winery on Feb 19th. Of course you can also watch the film any time at Apple, Amazon, or YouTube, but it’d be great to have you at the screening too.