I Am An Honest Billionaire Who Simply Wants to Have a Loving Sexual Relationship with Money
I am doing this for you... for all of humanity.
People ask me (via my staff) all the time: how much is enough? That question lives in a reality confined by small thought. I am not so confined. I will use my fortune to transcend the very concept of money. How will I prove that I have achieved that goal? Simple. I will coalesce the concept of money into a living thing. And then I will fuck it.
Sure, some of my fellow billionaires are going to space instead. I get it. It’s not my thing, but I get it. I doubt they’ll find a way to fuck space while they’re out there, but if they do I’m on board big time.
You Gotta Dream Big
Back when I was in my 20s I was like you. Full of pep. Ready to take on the world. I barely had enough money to purchase decent press. I had to borrow some of my father’s newspapers, if you can imagine that. Tough times. But good press.
I wanted the same things anyone wants: to express my unexamined personality flaws sexually, no matter who or how much it hurts, and then cover it all up with an ocean of money.
Well, partner, that right there turned into what you might call my origin story. You see, I realized I wasn’t attracted to the human part of any of those transactions. I was horny for the transaction itself. Game changer!
The Plan is Simple
Obviously the physical body of my financial fuck-beast will be made out of money. That goes without saying. If you imagine next-gen carbon fiber then replace the carbon part with paper currency that has been in circulation for more than two but fewer than 10 years, now you’re in the ballpark.
The hard part is making it into a living thing.
My research team tells me the AI they are developing should achieve sentience within the next year or two. But that will not be the end of development. Far from.
At the moment we are limited by battery technology. It’s very un-sexy to screw a sex robot that has a tree trunk of cables coming out of their back. I learned that in a series of trial fuckings.
I Am Doing This for You
I have heard that nonbillionaires — of which, I am told, there are a myriad — do not understand what I’m doing. They cry and gnash their teeth when I hire battery scientists away from renewable energy projects. Why do these small minds seek to bring others down? Why do they hate technological and sexual achievement? It is unknowable.
Look around you. I’m trying to chalk up a win for all humanity! Say what you like about me but if you’re against this project it can only be because you don’t understand next-level fucktech.
My dearest hope is that disadvantaged people around the world hear what I have done on their behalf. My sacrifice will give them hope in their final minutes. They might have spent their lives desperately poor. But somewhere, out there, someone took the time to chalk up a win for them by distilling the concept of wealth into a living, sentient thing and then fucking the shit out of it.