It's Not My Fault the Chinese Spy Balloons Infiltrated My Son's Friend's Birthday Party
After action report. Splash one.
AFTER ACTION REPORT (AAR) prepared by Greg Snaunders.
TIME: 15:32 February 11 2023
LOCATION: Gulp Daddy’s Pizza
It should be noted first and foremost that it was unfair to eject me from Caiden’s birthday party, thus causing undue stress and strain to me. It also caused undue stress and strain to my son, Braiden, who is Caiden’s best friend.
It is not my fault that the Chinese spy balloons infiltrated the party, nor is it my fault that I did what any AMERICAN PATRIOT would do. I scrambled myself and began bringing them down.
At this time, approximately 15:25, I came under suppressive fire from Caiden’s mom Shayla who screamed at me to (a) put my pocket knife away and (b) cease downing the surveillance craft and (c) leave the party.
She also shouted that I had been drinking, which hurt my son’s feelings as I am very careful not to discuss drinking with him especially if I’ve had a few.
First of all, I am a hairy red-blooded American patriot man and there’s no way in hell anyone’s going to disarm me without one hell of a fight. But Shayla’s boyfriend Reggie took my knife away anyway, saying he would give it back to me if I left.
After a few more exchanges which I do not recall, Reggie picked me up and took me outside. OF NOTE: the door hit me on my hindquarters. Possible contusion or subdural hematoma?
I felt it best not to go back inside because they were being so unreasonable, and so, walked back across the vacant lot to my apartment.
I hope all you globalists and Chinese are happy.
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