Late Capitalism Film Reboots: Star Wars

Help me, tech support. You're my only hope!

We open on a large spaceship being attacked by what we come to learn is an even larger spaceship. Inside the smaller ship, the fearless crew — wearing slacks and cycling time trial helmets and wielding laser pistols — is overrun by a fighting force carrying laser submachine guns and wearing PVC pipe.

We now see two sentient appliances making their way t…