Local Hero Rushes to Daughter's First Fender-Bender to Check on Safety of His Shareholders

You're fine, honey. Walk it off.

Photo by Adam Griffith on Unsplash

“Thankfully, it was just a little dent and a few hurt feelings,” said Daniel Tiggler, 45. “But now I think the feelings are smoothed over and the little dent in our stock price will correct over the next few days.”

Tiggler was at home watching a sporting event when he got a notification that his daughter, Sophie, 16, had been in a low speed collision just outside their neighborhood. He was able to jump in his car and be on the scene in minutes.

“Thank God there were no speed traps out there tonight,” said the elder Tiggler. “I’d have gotten a ticket for sure. The board would defecate a raccoon over that one.”

Though the police on scene did not officially apportion blame, copious video taken by Tiggler seemed to indicate that the other driver failed to stop in time. This should mean shareholders have very little to fear in terms of bad corporate press.

[PUBLISHER’S NOTE: Thank you for your many calls and emails but Sophie Tiggler, 16, was not interviewed for this article because, at her age, she can not legally be a shareholder.]