Movie Theatres Announce Pre-Movie Shows Will Expand To Include Pre-Pre-Movie Show Show
Come for the movie, stay for a few hours and maybe even see it.
“You know, a lot of people accuse me of being a clone of Maria Menounos,” said Cherie Charonos, recently-tapped host of the upcoming pre-pre movie show show. Charonos recognized that she is, medically speaking, a slightly smaller clone of Menounos. “But artistically our work is completely different.”
Charonos owes her unasked-for existence to the might of the movie theater industry. Rocked to its core over the last few years by low attendance over the course of the pandemic, the industry is previewing a much brighter future thanks to blockbusters like Top Gun: Maverick.
“People come to us for the spectacle,” said Fuller Garbitch, pre-pre-movie-show-show pioneer. “They want the previews, the interviews, the mobile phone games, the ads, all of it. Anyone can sit at home and watch a movie on streaming. What makes coming to the movies different is that pre-movie experience. It just makes sense to expand it.”
Garbitch was enthusiastic about the future of the pre-pre-movie-show-show, touting longer ads, expanded hosting by Maria Menounos, and, of course, supplementary hosting by Menounos clone, Charonos.
“I can’t wait to get started,” said Charonos. “I do hope Maria Menounos was kidding about doing her level best to destroy me. She is, after all, slightly larger than I am.” Menounos did not respond to requests for comment.