Our New EV Comes With Over 1000 Miles of Turd-Grade Lies

You're gonna love repeating these dookieplops.

Photo by Robert L. on Unsplash

Listen. Our corporation wants to develop EVs and other electric infrastructure super bad. There’s just one problem: it’s hard. And by hard we mean it’s not as profitable as oil and gas, so we don’t get as hard.

But there is notable tumescence to be had in planning green stuff and announcing projected figures while avoiding the troublesome manufacture, delivery, and comparisons.

Tremble as our megacorp squats! We’re going to grow a tail of marketing.

Picture it: cars & coffee, saturday morning, gorgeous weather. All those other tryhards show up with their slightly fudged charging statistics, their borderline falsehoods about battery pack life.

Then you, the real star of the show, arrive with what everyone really wants: enough proper, full-throated, out-and-out lies to blow everyone’s hair back like a trombone blast six inches from their face.

Go on, you hero! Get out that cookie-sheet-sized cell phone you carry and blow our lies all over your social media of choice. The algorithm will jump on you like a pack of sex-starved weasels in dire need of a mate before winter.

Praise be. We envy you, hero. That is quite a lot of weasels.