Sorry, Tonya. Santa Can’t Fix Your Moms Student Loans. Ho ho ho!
How about a BB gun?
Dear Tonya,
I’m writing to congratulate you on being so good this year. I didn’t even need to check my list twice. You are an example to all children. Ho, ho, ho!
Unfortunately there is nothing Santa can do about your mom’s student loan debt. But I have seen several of your letters and I can congratulate you on your penmanship. Uhm. Ho. Ho.
It’s clear you do not suffer from writer’s block. Ho, ho… ho.
Ms. Claus and I take great joy in fulfilling the dreams of all good little children, Tonya. But we’re festive avatars of capitalism, not the owners of it. Ho. Ho.
I look forward to visiting you on Christmas Eve. I hope you’ll remember a few cookies for Santa. And maybe one or two for the reindeer as well. Ho, ho, ho!
Happy Christmas to all!
Santa Claus
North Pole