Trump Puts On Super Dark Eclipse Glasses to Look Directly at His Adult Children
Trump Puts On Super Dark Eclipse Glasses to Look Directly at His Adult Children
He looked at me. Dad. Dad! It's me!
PALM BEACH, FL—In a break with tradition, former President Donald J. Trump agreed to wear darkened, protective eyewear in order to safely gaze directly at his adult children including Eric.
Though doctors warn that focusing too long on subjects like why they all stand that way or what you’d have to ingest to be talking the way they’re talking, there is not likely to be any medical harm in looking directly at the adult Trumps.
Nevertheless, the former President’s team expressed regret, in a press conference shortly following the incident, that Eric had inadvertently strayed in front of Ivanka, thereby partially obstructing Mr. Trump’s view of Ivanka.
Sources say an aide frantically signaled to Eric that he should move a bit to the left to correct his obstruction of Ivanka. But Eric, understanding that the message referred to his own left left rather than his father’s left, continued his slow Ivanka transit over the course of several tense minutes.
Finally, the obstruction was over. Onlookers praised the former President for his decision to wear protective eyewear, saying he could otherwise have experienced retinal damage.
“This kind of event just doesn’t happen often,” said Buck Gertle, former discount golf club importer turned science advisor to Mr. Trump. “But we could see another obstruction like this as soon as 2044.”
Mr. Gertle is known affectionately to the former President as “not the pillow guy.”