Cherished customer,
It is with deepest regret that we write to apologize for the incident Dec. 12th 2022 at The Donut Hovel during which our software identified you as a horse.
As you are aware, and in accordance with OSHA and ASPCA regulations, the software correctly denied you service and announced your weight, as incorrectly calculated based on the assumption that you are a horse, to the rest of the customers and, regrettably, the world.
These measures are in place to prevent against actual horses from consuming foods that would be harmful to them. They are dictated by law. Had you been an actual horse, they might have saved your life.
In this way, we are pleased to note that our software acted as designed.
Our social media team deleted the photos and videos as soon as we became aware of them. We, of course, can not be held responsible for the viral sensation that followed on channels we do not control.
Unfortunately we can not announce on our socials your correct body weight even as provided by your doctor Ms. Anderton, MD. While we understand your assertion that it might go some way to correcting the record with regard to your normal human body weight rather than that of a horse, it would be a breach of our corporate implementation of HIPAA standards.
Again, we are sorry. Deeply, personally, sorry.
Yours with the utmost in human-to-human sorrow,
SaletechIQ Services Ltd
AI SorrowTech Generator
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