Woman Admits She Deeply Impressed with Acceleration of Landscaping Truck

Not really a truck person, but I gotta say that thing really hauls the mail.

Photo by Caelen Cockrum on Unsplash

”I honestly wasn’t even paying attention,” said Sharon Huntley, 32. “In general, I don’t have any interest in these giant trucks. But when I saw that pickup pulling the Gorman’s Landscaping trailer take off I felt two revelations hit me like a left-right combo. First, I wanted to own that truck myself and second, I want to bear that truck’s child.”

Huntley went on to speculate that the trailer might have been empty, which would certainly have helped the truck’s acceleration, but also had to admit that a full trailer might have helped the rear tires hook up.

“Normally you’d expect to see a certain amount of wheel spin with that much torque, but this landscaping truck had grip for days. That really ticks a box for me,” Huntley nodded.

Local doctors refused to go on record but confirmed suspicions that a human-truck conception is unlikely. Speaking hypothetically though, each of the doctors raised questions about the ethics of owning something and also having a child with that thing. Huntley waved these matters off as immaterial.

“I’m well aware it’s impossible to bear the child of a nonhuman passenger vehicle, regardless of how much torque it can produce at the wheels,” she said. She nevertheless insists that it’s equally impossible to deny the signals her body is shouting at her. “My entire system is pulsing with the words, ‘truck baby.’”

It was unclear whether those feelings would persist as of press time.